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                    十歲娃沒剝過雞蛋蝦殼 孩子為啥越來越自我
                    發表時間: 2012-04-05來源: 新華

                    小學五年級的男孩,吃飯時要媽媽夾起菜,一口一口喂到嘴里;10歲的孩子,從沒剝過雞蛋殼、蝦殼,都是大人剝好,放她嘴邊;11歲小學生,天天要奶奶給穿衣服……這些事例,在我們身邊屢見不鮮。

                      希望孩子以后有出息,學習出色,掌握盡可能多的技能,父母送孩子學這個學那個,報名各種輔導班、興趣班。同時,也下意識地,幾乎包辦了孩子生活方面的所有事,這種過度的保護,讓孩子很少甚至無自我鍛煉機會。自理能力低下、有著嚴重的依賴性。我們已發現,很多孩子有這樣的通病,這樣的孩子,以后該如何經歷風雨呢?

                      本期名師大講堂,我們邀請了杭州市天長小學語文老師蔡健,以及省特級教師、安吉路實驗學校教師巴春媚,來談談孩子的過度保護話題。

                      培養孩子獨立性比成績更重要

                      “孩子都上初中了,每次吃雞蛋都是父母幫著剝好放碗里,這么大了連手帕、襪子都不會洗,這種事實在太多了。”說起小孩的獨立性,省特級教師、安吉路實驗學校正校級協理員巴春媚,深有感觸。

                      她認為,孩子不會自理、該做的事不會做,說到底,還是大人造成的。

                      父母百般呵護,什么都不肯放手,看似對孩子好,其實最終還是害了孩子。巴春媚講了一個真實的例子:小婷(化名)是獨生女,從小就被爸爸媽媽爺爺奶奶寵著,衣來伸手、飯來張口。因不忍看到女兒為了中考這么辛苦,小婷讀初三時,父母聯系了國外一所高中,把女兒送到國外留學。

                      “孩子出去后,整天打電話,電話里一個勁兒哭。”巴春媚說,小婷從小嬌生慣養,自理能力很差,什么事情都不會做,出去之后環境一下變了,再加上語言不通、生活不習慣,就更不適應了。現在小婷的父母也在發愁,到底怎么辦,實在不行,只能讓孩子回來了。

                      “培養孩子的獨立性和其他方面的能力,遠比學習成績重要得多!”巴春媚說,相比學習成績,這些能力更決定著孩子離開校園后,能不能走得好,走得遠。

                      現在的孩子較自我,自以為爸媽會解決難題

                      孩子自理能力差,是由幾種不同原因造成的。天長小學的蔡健老師,分析了幾點原因。

                      一是長輩的因素。蔡老師說,有一些孩子的爸媽工作很忙,就把孩子托給老人照管。

                      “很多老人生怕孩子凍著、餓著、累著,他們會幫孩子包辦很多事情。經常能看到放學后,小孩還沒跨出學校大門口,老人就一把把書包拿過去。久而久之,你會發現,一些孩子在老師面前表現很好,但在老人面前,又是另一個樣子。”

                      另外,父母忙,趕時間,很少給孩子時間和機會鍛煉自理能力。蔡老師說,她現在帶一年級,還會有孩子不會系鞋帶,而她認為,系鞋帶,是至少在幼兒園大班就該掌握的本領。

                      “特別是早上,爭分奪秒的,穿衣服、洗漱、吃早飯,出門前搶時間,哪里有空等小孩慢吞吞穿鞋系鞋帶?時間長了,孩子自理能力就得不到鍛煉,他沒有機會。”

                      再者,很多父母不放心,總是會想,孩子到底能不能做好啊?這種不放心的因素,也會讓父母無法放手。

                      “比如,課前準備,我會發現一些孩子的鉛筆沒削好,問他為什么不削,他說媽媽沒給我削,爸爸沒給我削。鉛筆掉在地上了,也不會主動去撿鉛筆,要先問一問‘是誰的鉛筆掉了?’現在的孩子比較自我,覺得什么都跟他沒過度保護會給孩子帶來不良影響

                      父母過分重視孩子的學業成績、各項技能,但忽視了孩子的獨立能力。從長遠看,反而會引發一系列問題,包括學習上的。

                      “現在,很多孩子獨立解決困難的意識相當薄弱。特別在遇到困難時會害怕、會躲避,依賴性特別強。”

                      蔡老師說,她認識一個孩子,平時爺爺奶奶帶得多,她發現這個孩子不太會整理書包,每天的本子、文具都是一股腦兒放進書包,但第二天到學校,書包卻是整整齊齊的,已經有大人幫他整理了。蔡老師發現,這個孩子做作業,看到不認識的字、看到要動腦筋的題目,就不愿意去碰。

                      “你會發現,父母的這種做法反而會影響孩子的成績。現在的孩子遇到困難,第一反應是‘我要找大人’,而不是自己想一想‘我能不能解決這個問題’,甚至他也不會向同伴請教。這已經不是一兩個孩子的問題了,是目前很普遍的現象。”

                      給孩子多一些自主的時間和空間

                      那么,家長該如何培養孩子的獨立性,兩位老師給了一些建議。

                      巴春媚建議,首先要培養孩子的責任意識,比如,讀書就是孩子自己的事,孩子讀書是給他自己讀的,不是給父母讀的。

                      巴春媚說,她曾聽到過這樣的事。第一天,家長幫孩子檢查作業時沒看仔細,第二天孩子沒得滿分,回家之后來抱怨父母,而父母聽到孩子的抱怨后還勇于承認錯誤,向孩子檢討:這次沒幫你檢查好,是媽媽不對。

                      “做作業明明是學生自己的責任,最后作業做錯了怎么能反過來怪父母?”巴春媚說,她并不是反對父母幫孩子檢查作業,而是建議父母要把握好“度”。

                      其次,巴春媚建議,家長要給孩子多一點自主的時間、空間甚至是經濟。

                      比如,回家后的時間,讓孩子自主安排,孩子的房間自己整理,孩子的零花錢自己支配。

                      曾有位家長帶兒子請教巴春媚,說孩子做作業太磨蹭,每次都是邊做邊玩,不專心。“那個男孩很可愛,也很聰明。”巴春媚說,當時她讓男孩在她面前做了一份試卷,沒想到,40分鐘的試卷,他20分鐘就做好了,且準確率還很高。

                      問了下男孩,為什么試卷做得這么快,在家里做作業卻那么磨蹭?男孩指了指媽媽說,因每次回家做好學校布置的作業后,媽媽總會另外塞給自己一堆作業,“反正快點做完也不能玩,還不如做得慢點,邊玩邊做。”

                      “父母把孩子管得太牢了,容易讓孩子有逆反心理,想出辦法來‘對付’父母。”巴春媚說,這樣做,反而讓孩子養成了不好的學習習慣。

                      巴春媚還建議,家長要多放手,但卻不能放任。

                      “孩子能做的事讓他自己做,不能做的,父母要指導著做。”巴春媚說,對于孩子來說,學習過程是漫長的,也許開始時會很慢,家長要學會等待,讓孩子慢慢成長。

                      巴春媚舉了個系鞋帶的例子。在大人看來,很簡單的系鞋帶,小朋友做起來則往往很費勁。這時候,為節省時間,很多家長都會蹲下來直接幫孩子系上。“父母要多想,如果不給孩子鍛煉機會,他要什么時候才能自己學會系鞋帶?在家里,父母可以代勞,但在學校里,鞋帶散了,孩子要怎么做?”巴春媚說,其實,像盛飯、洗完、掃地之類家務活,家長都要讓孩子學著去做。孩子也是家庭一員,也有義務分擔家務活。

                      “首先,家長要明確告訴孩子,自己能做的事要自己做,在安全前提下就可以。哪怕做得不好,也要讓孩子試試,多給他一些機會。”蔡健老師舉例道,比如,對一年級孩子來說,諸如掛紅領巾、洗餐包、整理書包、刨鉛筆、準備文具,等等,都是他自己該做的事。

                      第二,要多鼓勵孩子。“沒有天生會洗碗的孩子,都是在不斷練習中學會的,家長一定要學會鼓勵。哪怕做得不夠好,也要鼓勵他下次一定能做得更好。同時,還要把方法教給孩子,第一步干什么,第二步干什么,這個很要緊。家長幫孩子一步一步來,從扶到放,等孩子完全有這個能力,適當時檢查監督。多一份耐心,多一份鼓勵,很重要。”

                      最后,蔡老師認為,如果是與老人一起帶孩子,取得老人的支持,至關重要。“全家人一定要一條心,最怕的是大家思想不一致。”(記者 金丹丹 張麗紅)關系,反正有爸爸媽媽會給他全部弄好的。”

                     

                    責任編輯: 和諧中國網
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